The child should be made to feel that he has a safe place in the family at all times and must be shown that he is not pushed to the background. It should be explained to the child that he is old and has responsibilities, but these responsibilities should not be overdone. The child should be portrayed as an older sister or brother protecting the little child with the mother.
The mother or father should not separate the child, and the child should not be forced to take a side in matters that the mother and father cannot agree on. Mothers and fathers should not frequently praise other siblings, and should not make comparisons between siblings. Because such attitudes prepare the ground for the formation of sibling jealousy.
By accepting that each child has a unique personality as a mother and father, you can tell your child about your new baby that everyone is different, that no one can love two people in the same way, and even though the degrees of love are the same, their shapes will be different. By saying this, when you treat your newborn sibling differently, you will prevent the child from getting jealous.
The older child may feel lonely with the new sibling, so the mother should pay more attention to the school life and games of the child, the child should be told about his place in the family and the problems should be solved together. The child should be given the task of protecting the baby from time to time. However, behaviors over the age of the child should definitely not be expected. At the same time, the child should not be given excessive privilege. Both mother and household should avoid loving the baby in a pretentious way nearby the child. It will be beneficial for the father to take care of the child while the mother is dealing with the baby. After putting the baby to sleep, the mother should take care of the child separately, and when it comes to bedtime, she should sit on the bed and talk to the child and tell him stories. Expressions such as “How naughty, always crying and tiring me a lot, but I love you more” should not be used for the baby. The child may think that such statements are unconvincing and that you want to deceive him. This will damage the child’s confidence in you and increase their jealousy.
The baby should be called directly by name instead of “baby” at home, so that the thought of the sibling as a living being should be envisioned in the child’s mind. Expressions like “our baby” not “my baby” to the baby will make it easier for the child to accept his sibling. However, expressions such as “be quiet, your brother is sleeping” should not be used, these expressions will fuel jealousy as they will create the feeling that the child has to organize his life according to his sibling.
It should be made clear that the child will not be allowed to harm the baby. The mother should not make any excessive effort to prove her love for the child. For example, there is no need for a child who has been sleeping in his own bed for a long time, in her bosom. However, it would be a wrong attitude to separate the room of the child sleeping in the parents’ room after the baby. If the room is to be separated, this should be done before the baby arrives.
It is wrong to send a 3-4 year old child, who has a new sibling, to kindergarten so that he/she is not jealous his/her sıbling. The child may consider this as being thrown out of the house. Usually children show the greatest reaction to the first sibling. The second sibling is not affected much. Although they continue to quarrel with the first sibling, they develop a protective attitude towards the second sibling. Families often take extreme care, even if they try to hide a girl after a few boys or a boy after a few girls. Children naturally react to this different gender sibling.
Sedat Dortkardes
