Giving Orders or Requests
In general, we can say that many people do not like taking orders. Even if these are simple order sentences:
“Iam busy now, come later.”
“I don’t know, ask your brother.”
Even if they have good intentions, as we have said before, taking orders causes an unconscious anger to build up in the person. Therefore, you can present your suggestions as a request rather than order.
Your requests are also perceived as a choice in the conscious mind, and our resistance will decrease when we have a choice. For example; Suppose you say to your child, “You will tidy up your room today.” How effective do you think this approach would be? We can convert this sentence into a request sentence. For example: “Can you tidy your room today?” or “You can tidy your room today.” This creates choice in the child’s mind and his resistance decreases. Unconsciously, you convey the action to be taken to the other party. If it is not possible to give a choice, you can still do so with love and respect when submitting your order.
When he/she lie
When you say that you went to the hospital for an injection in your nice clothes, you can leave your child at home for a short time, but can you imagine what will happen in the long term? “But if I didn’t say that, it would stick to my skirt. He would want either my wife or me to stay at home. ” I can hear you say. However, if you can fully demonstrate your coaching skills and show unconditional love, these sweet white lies will not be needed either.
We said above, show personal integrity. Gossiping, lying or saying “I didn’t lie, just said nothing” laid up to the child to learn these behaviors easily. We said they were mirrors. That is why it is not surprising that he was lying. Nevertheless, it is necessary to evaluate the lies he tells according to his age and development. Without realizing that he is lying until the age of three, or perhaps just repeating what he learned, the child may reflect his dream world to you until the age of six. After the age of six, he knows what lies mean and can use it for a specific purpose.
Use the coaching skills you’ve learned instead of immediately getting angry and reacting when you realize you’re lying. Try to listen and understand thoroughly. Reflect on their speech and indicate your understanding. Do not judge, do not compare. Express that you also understand that he/she is lying. Describe the wrong behavior while maintaining compliance. After making sure you understand well, ask about the results. Ask what he learned? Ask how he will apply what he has learned. You should take it back by choosing one of his privileges and consistently teach him/her that lying will come at a price in your behavior.
The reason he lies may be because of excessive rules he cannot enforce. It will naturally have to stretch these to learn. So be sure to set rules appropriate for her/his age.
Change your question patterns on topics you know will lie, just so you don’t get angry. Half an hour before bed, “Have you finished your homework?” When you ask, maybe he will refer to lie out of fear. Therefore, you can successfully send your message with conversational propositions such as “I wonder if you have done your homework” or secret orders such as “if you have finished your homework, you can get ready to go to bed”.
Sweet words gets the snake out of its hole
“Stones and sticks can break my bones, but words break my heart.”
Robert Fulghum
One of our proverbs says: “Sweet speak pulls the snake out of its hole.” The north wind and the sun once began to argue over which one was stronger. Both thought he was the strongest and spoke from this idea.
They saw a traveler at the time and decided to test their strength, betraying which one could tear the traveler’s cape off his back sooner. The strong north wind took first place and the sun hid behind a gray cloud to watch it. The north wind nearly pulled the cloak from its teeth when it blew strongly, but the traveler clung tightly to his cloak, and the north wind wasted its power in vain.
Despaired by its own failure, the north wind turned to the sun: “I don’t think you can do it either.” said. It’s time for the sun. The sun came out of its hiding behind the clouds and sent its warmest rays on the traveler. The traveler first looked up gratefully at the sun. But then he felt bad because of the sudden heat; Before long he took off his cloak and rushed to the nearest shadow.
Dale Carnegie says: “Treat everyone sweetly, because the sun makes you take off your coat faster than the wind.”
Shannoes Lakes
